feeling good

I am breathing one big extended sigh of relief. Tonight, I had my first class as a Master's student in Couples and Family Counseling and not only did it meet my expectations, it exceeded them by far. I didn't realize how exciting this would feel. I can now believe that I have indeed made the right decision in coming here and it renders the daily tribulations of being a Toronto expat and Winnipeg newbie far less dramatic or meaningful in the GRAND scheme of things. Phew, phew, phew!

What a crazy feeling to be sitting in a class listening to, talking about and anticipating reading about, EXACTLY what I am interested in. The content of my very deepest interests are now the subject at hand, what I care most about in this world is what I am about to learn and think about on a daily basis and among other people with same concerns, the same passions.

The instructor of today's course (whose name is Libby, which is extra symbolic for me as that was my beloved bubbie's name and a name I really love) was striking in more ways than I could hope to articulate all at once. There was however one thing that I found particularly interesting about her instruction, she emphasized focusing on how our bodies responded to the material or the discussions at hand. How we might tense up when we disagreed or felt inadequate in discussion, how things relaxed when the material was more comfortable and to just pay attention to this. And while this might sound trivial or silly, it's actually remarkable in terms of developing an awareness of how we process and respond to reality, to even just notice what our reactions are-- as opposed to just reacting. My body was a- flutter! Waves of excitement mixed with anticipation with nervousness and then most significantly actually feelings of warmth. It is physically warming to be in a room talking about people and therapeutic practice, talking about the importance of maintaining humanity and humility as a practitioner, talking about possibility in the face of actual trauma's, talking about theoretic approaches to interpersonal relations, etc. This is the stuff I have been waiting for and working towards for years and my bodily response was one of relief and happiness.

So yes for now I am in the right place and I am so, so grateful to know it, 'cause these past few weeks have been somewhat agonizing.

There are no further updates on Face and Toad, as Face refuses to come down from Dane's room and therefore has not been interacting with Toad at all. Coincidentally I am reading Temple Grandin's latest book, Animals Make Us Human and learning a tremendous amount about the evolution and psychology of domesticated animals. And I think this may be the topic of tomorrow's blog. I assure it will be interesting! Fascinating actually. And for those of you who have not yet encountered Temple Grandin, she is an autistic lady who is obsessed with animals and who has an uncanny ability to see things from an animals perspective-- she has a PhD in Animal Behavior, which is a crazy and anomalous achievement for someone autistic. Here is a picture of her to peek your interest... she looks like a total dyke (she has amazing butchy/cowboy styles) to me but she claims to be entirely asexual and entirely disinterested in people.